It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
