and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think my moral compass just broke
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
