he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
