if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
