on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Randomize
