if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
