just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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