He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
