when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
