So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Dick very happy bro
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
