I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
