My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
