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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
