can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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