2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
