If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
