HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
