Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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