WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
