grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
