my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
