What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
