she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
