I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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