ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
