Me too!
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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