so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
