And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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