So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
this hospital has no fireball
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
