i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
