i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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