I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
