I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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