just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
