there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
