omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Four minutes until I can fart!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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