I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
