where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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