So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
