Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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