Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
