I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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