What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
