but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
