My hand turned me down
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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