My Higher Power is John Stamos
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
