jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
