the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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