Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
