What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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