This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
